Two Sides

Over the last ten years I have seen a change in me; for good may be. Sitting around the table at our local Sikh Gurduwara Sahib, Dal Phaji said to me 'you have got a very relaxed and easy going personality, don't ever loose that'. Dal Phaji, whose real name is Dalvinder Singh is from London and have just started to commit himself to Sikhi. We were sitting there feeling a sense of relief as the Shaheedi Smaagam arranged by Jatha Shaheedan with the help of Sangat was a success.

Anyway coming back on to the conversation between me and Dal Phaji. I wasn't surprised at the compliment Phaji paid. In fact I am quite used to people asking me the secret behind a stress-free life. This is how I come across to people I believe. In the past, I took these compliments and felt pompous. However, recently I have been engaging people and explaining to them that I too stress about things; in fact I also feel insecure about so many things. I personally belive that we have two sides to ourselves, and I feel it is how we humans are (or at least majority of us). 

We have two faces, one we put on for a show, the other which depicts our true self is very much hidden. So, I explained to Dal Phaji, that I too follow the usual crowd, however I am just good at hiding those emotions. I found it extremely difficult to control my emotions when I was in my early 20s, I remember punching a wall once in university dorms. I was angry about something, or frustrated, I wish I can remember what it was. Anyway, I used to have these episodes of sudden emotion erupting, possibly because I used to supress my true feelings most of the time. 

However, this all changed with two transformations in my life. The first one happened at the age of 24, when I met my wife-to-be (now my wife). She is such a genuine person, an individual who is honest about everything around her including emotions. It was difficult adjustment, however, I learnt so much from her and she was the first person probably to see my true nature. I worried about minute issues for instance car insurance, scratch on the car, house maintenance, and other such silly things just used to wind me up. I learnt a lot from my other half, most importantly how to be true to yourself and the world. 

The biggest change that catalysed the alteration of my mindset was getting close to Sikhi and finally taking Amrit. This modification in my life not only helped me to see what was important but also changed me from within. There is still that side of me which is the worrier however, it is not hidden anymore. If people don't see it I make them aware of it. We are all just the same, it takes a lot of guts and willpower to be a saint, and even more to be a saint-soldier. With right dose of naam simran, gurbani and shastr vidhiya one can achieve the highest state of spirituality as per Sikhi. Ja Kao Har Rang Lago, Is Jag Mein So Khiat Hai Sura.